Shut the fr@ud up already!
It doesn’t take much to get us falling down that rabbit hole of self-doubt. A missed deadline, an under-attended show, a fight with a friend, or even seeing someone else’s highlight reel on social media – it can all trigger those feelings of fear of being a fraud. Listen up about how you can bypass those feelings that hold you back & empower yourself to keep going!
You’re listening to Episode 11 of the Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast.
Hello, and welcome! Happy February! Little known fact – it’s also Time Management month. Yep. Drink that in… inspired to take action yet?
Well if you are, you’ve come to the right place! You’re listening to Episode 11 – Silencing the Fraud Talk.
I’m your host, Suz – a mindset coach to help freelancers and DIY musicians become full-fledged music-preneurs by building sustainable careers in music.
I often talk about the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies one on their journey as a business owner, and today we’re gonna hang out in doldrums for a bit.
We’re gonna dig deep into the feelings that eat away at us. Feelings that we’re ALL experiencing at one point or another but we NEVER want to talk about.
We’re gonna take an honest look at fraud and what it means {and doesn’t mean} to be a fraud in your space. It’s something that we all feel or dread feeling throughout our careers and I can tell you from experience – as well as from listening to those who are much further along – it doesn’t ever go away.
Feeling as if you’ll one day be “found out” or seen for what the “in-the-doldrums” version of you believes yourself to be, is incredibly common in all levels of the journey.
There’s always going to be new challenges, new roadblocks, and new fears. And feeling like a fraud is one of the most common fears, and the one no one likes to admit experiencing, afraid saying the words might make it true!
First of all, let’s start with what I call the Fraud Litmus Test. Let’s first see if there’s any shred of you that may in fact be a fraud. After all, it’s best to confirm whether or not it’s all in your head, right?
If you believe you are done learning new things – you’re a fraud.
If you believe you can do it all entirely on you’re own – you’re a fraud.
If you don’t believe in what you’re preaching – you’re a fraud.
Now I want to first draw a clear distinction between not believing in what you preach vs. not always following your own advice. It’s completely normal to be able to help others with certain things while being unable to masterfully apply those same skills within your own life.
Not keeping to your own advice doesn’t mean you don’t believe it’s good, solid advice. It simply means you fell a little short in following through.
And if you think for a second you’ve done everything yourself to get to where you are, separate from any help from others, you are delusional or incredibly narcissistic. No one gets anywhere completely on their own. No one.
And finally, if you believe being an expert means you’re done learning, you’re not only a fraud, you’re a fool. “An expert” or “an authority figure,” no matter the medium or topic, who stops expanding and trying new things because they feel their knowledge is sufficient, isn’t any good to those who are looking for answers.
“Know-it-alls” seem to be the most insecure, as they’re incredibly adverse to making mistakes and learning from them, staying put in their one little comfort zone.
Mistakes don’t make you a fraud, they make you human.
To show you you’re not alone in feeling this way, I want to share a brief story. It was one of those times where things were gliding along smoothly, and things were as they should be, but I just couldn’t shake that feeling that things were about to fall apart.
And then, in the blink of an eye, all the confidence I was riding high on seemingly disappeared into thin air and I was left wondering why anyone thought I ever had any talent at all. Sound familiar?
I want to take you back to March, 2016.
I felt like a complete fraud! In a matter of minutes.
I had been working ‘round the clock for approximately 2 weeks to debut ticket sales to my first virtual music conference: The Rock/Star Summit.
I secured the speakers, I wrote 6 EBooks, I created the webpage, I created a promotional schedule, and I even set up the e-store on my website to sell the tickets.
That was a big thing for me – the tech work. I am NOT a tech person in the least; I am, however, a control freak.
My confidence was at an all-time high when my launching coach, Kristina Shands, tested the purchase and it went through with no problem.
It was show time.
The Rock/Star Summit, at the time, had been the biggest project I had taken on as a freelance consultant. Kristina called this “up-leveling.”
I was ready. I had done the work, I had checked all the boxes. And then the page went live. Tickets were being purchased! HUZZAH!!!
And then… the issues. The tech issues.
Due to an unavoidable software glitch, and a few smaller issues with confusing copy on the sales page, people began having issues purchasing tickets. Emails and tweets started to trickle in:
“I’m having trouble buying tickets.”
“Your website doesn’t work.”
“I want to attend, but the sale isn’t going through.”
One even mentioned in an email that he didn’t trust it (aka he didn’t trust me) and was going to hold off on purchasing until we spoke. His problem was happening because of a glitch that was causing a different total to
appear in his checkout cart.
But that didn’t matter. I lost his trust, not the glitch, and I had failed him.
My heart sank.
The “Know-Like-Trust Factor” I had worked on building for so long seemingly felt like it was gone in an instant. I couldn’t blame any of these people in the least! I’d feel the same way.
And if these people were having issues, how many others had issues and didn’t think to reach out? I called Kristina in a panic. Why did I think I could do this?! Who the hell was I?!
After my pity party, and Kristina’s sage wisdom, I walked away from the computer. I decided to chill out for the evening and address the tech issues first thing in the morning. And I did. It took time, but I got it all working.
What I had to learn and accept was that I am not my job.
I am not my website. I am more than a few tech glitches.
Mistake happen. Honest mistakes happen. They don’t take away from the fact that I have something great to offer others.
I started to pick up the pieces of my bruised ego and made sure everyone who contacted me with an issue was addressed and that their issues were rectified accordingly.
They all understood. They all still purchased tickets. I posted online addressing the issues and assured people it was all fixed.
It’s not over. There will be more bumps in the road. However, I now know that confidence can be a fickle bitch. It can be all smoke & mirrors and pushed aside easily if we don’t take the time to truly believe in ourselves and what we’re setting out to do.
Believing in yourself doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect; it means you trust your mistakes don’t define you.
This feeling of doubting ourselves to the point where we convince ourselves we’ve been making it up all along is nothing more than an panicked reaction for not having the answers the moment we need them.
We get to a point where things stop making sense, and instead of taking a deep breath in and hitting pause until we figure out our next steps, we’re ready to throw the baby out with the bathwater and say, “I don’t know this so I must know NOTHING!”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never felt like a fraud under calm, normal circumstances. When it’s a regular day and I’m going about my routine I never think to myself, “Man, who can I trick today?!”
The fraud bug bites when we enter new territory, when our footing is uncertain, and we worry our audience we’ll see we’re… human.
As another example, just last summer I was getting ready to give my first workshop at the CD Baby DIY Musician Conference in Nashville.
Not only was it my first live workshop to a crowd larger than 20 or so people, it was back in Nashville, a city I hadn’t been back to since losing everything in a fire there the previous year {see Episode 5 if you need the back story on that}.
So emotions were high and the uncertainty of what the experience would be like left me right in the middle of Fraudville, USA.
What if no one showed up? What if I proposed this topic to CD Baby for the third year in a row and the year they give me the green light I choke? What if everyone showed up and they thought my focus on time management was the biggest waste of their time?
Who the hell am I?!? Why would anyone listen to me? CD Baby didn’t believe in this topic, they just said yes because I wore them down.
These are all the things I told myself. So I didn’t sleep the night before. And I started out a presentation on the importance of self-care explaining how I had taken such poor care of myself up until that moment.
But, I wasn’t glorifying the all-nighter I pulled, I still strongly believed in my message to stop the sleep shaming and embrace a full 8 hours. I just fell short reaching that goal that day.
And as I explained myself, the standing-room-only audience clapped and nodded along, feeling connected to what I was saying.
What I learned in that moment was that being flawed is the common thread in all of us. It’s part of our shared humanity. Rather than run from it, embrace it and let your audience learn with you.
Wouldn’t you rather learn from someone who’s been in the trenches, who’s made a slew of mistakes so you can make different ones, fewer ones, than from someone who never makes a wrong turn?
Education is found in missteps. If you never make one you’re not learning. And as I said before, if you believe you’re done learning… congratulations – you’re a fraud.
In light of today’s episode, I created a worksheet that can help you work through everything that we discussed here today in order to surpass those trips into doubtsville & fraudsylvannia.
You can go to www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep11 and download my Shut the Fr@^d Up! worksheet!
In it you’ll find exercises you can do to quiet those fear mongers that creep up at the most inopportune times so you can get on with being the badass you truly are, even if you can’t see it right this moment.
Let me walk you through a bit of it now so we can get the ball rolling together.
First, start by quieting all of the comparison chatter. It does nothing to serve you, so step away from the selfie stick and take a BIG break from social media.
Comparing yourself to someone else on social media who seems to have it all together is moot – (1) because you can’t compare your full story to their highlight reel and expect to walk away with any viable comparison and (2) while you’re stressing out over them they’re at home most likely stressing out over someone else, and this endless chain of “I’ll never be good enough” mentality doesn’t get anyone closer to reaching their goals.
Next, surround yourself with positive people. Not “yes” people, but positive people. Hang with those who lift you up, not tear you down. You have a finite amount of energy each day – spend it on people who replenish your energy not usurp it.
Lastly, get back in touch with who you are, what you bring to the table, and why it’s important you share that gift with others. I call it putting thenyoU back in “Unique.”
You’re in your own lane, and the sooner your own that the sooner you’ll be empowered to do things your way, mistakes and all! You’re not going to be able to do what others can do, and you shouldn’t want to.
Spend your time focused on what you can do, because everyone else can’t do it like you. In the worksheet I walk you through a few prompts to get your uniqueness flowing and your confidence rising.
Always remember, success is all about perspective. If it always seems out of reach, it always will be. However, if you are able to believe in yourself long enough you’ll see that nothing is ever too far out of reach.
Now that I’ve poured out all of my secrets and authentic self with you… I wanna know:
When’s the last time you felt like a fraud? What were you scared of achieving? Tell us about it in our private Facebook group – The Rock/Star Collective. I can assure you, you won’t be alone in feeling any of it!
If you enjoyed what you learned today, you can access all current episodes using your podcast platform of choice, including iTunes & Spotify, or by visiting www.therockstaradvocate.com/podcast.
In the meantime, if there is any way that I can help you get rid of those self-doubt monsters, take action on what you really want, or get some clarity on whatever it is you’re going through, I’d be more than happy to!
Feel free to email me at any time: suz@therockstaradvocate.com.
Until next time, Rockstar! Have a wonderful week and I hope to see you back here next Wednesday so we can get grounded to get rising! Take care.
Key Highlights
- Fraud Litmus Test [01:47]
- Not believing what you preach vs. Not following what you preach [2:19]
- My Fraud Story [03:36]
- You’re more than your mistakes [06:24]
- What it means to believe in yourself [07:10]
- A 2nd Fraud Story [08:12]
- What I learned about being flawed [09:34]
- 3 first steps to a fraud-free life [10:48]
Create your own way to shield yourself from unwanted doubts & distractions!
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Links/Rocksources
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- You can download a copy of the episode’s transcript here
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