Boundaries beget freedom.
Feeling pulled in 1000 different directions? Learn how to set boundaries on your time, relationships, and money in order to have more freedom to reach your goals!
You’re listening to Episode 18 of the Music-Preneur Mindset Podcast.
Hey there! You’re listening to Episode 18 – Importance of Boundaries.
I’m your host, Suz – a mindset coach to help music-preneurs build sustainable careers in music.
You may have noticed I took last week off from this podcast as I was in the middle of launching a new course I’m hosting with Music Launch Hub founder, Steve Palfreyman.
I wasn’t planning to take off, but I’m glad I did. I knew work was piling up – I had never done an official launch of a course before and what others warned me about was spot on – it’s a lot of work!
I knew I’d be letting a few folks down who were anticipating a new episode, but I had to weigh that with the boundaries I’ve set for myself in terms of how I take care of myself.
The simple fact that I took a week off from the podcast just goes to show how far I’ve come when it comes to respecting my boundaries.
The “old me” would have muddled through, put out a half-assed episode and called it a day. Proud that I “knocked it off my list” while neglecting the level of my craft as well as my own well-being.
I would have traded my requirement to get a full 6-8 hours of sleep every night to make it happen.
I would have traded my requirement take time to eat full meals and show up & be present for family functions {shout out to my cousin Kelly who got married last week!}.
But I’ve learned a lot of lessons over the year and one of the most important lessons has been to set & respect more boundaries in my life.
Boundaries around my time.
Boundaries around my relationships.
Boundaries around my money & money mindset.
Although it sounds counter-intuitive, boundaries are incredibly freeing.
You are actually more tied down when you don’t have any boundaries around your time, energy, and other finite resources at your disposal.
While you may think you’re doing yourself and others a service by being a “yes” person, you’re actually denying people the chance to get to know and respect you on a certain level.
People don’t respect a pushover. While you may think people ask lot of you, it’s only a lot if you give it to them. When they ask you for the moon and stars they are simply seeing if you’ll say, “Yes.”
When you set boundaries people know where they stand with you.
They know how you want to be treated and, more often than not, they’re ready and willing to oblige.
Those who aren’t willing to fall in line can get to steppin.
In order to set boundaries that stick, you must know what you do and do not stand for in certain situations. You can start by deciding what’s important to you.
What do you value above all else?
What do you absolutely hate putting up with?
What makes you feel incredibly valued?
Asking yourself these questions will allow you to uncover the boundaries that are non-negotiable for you – the ones you are not willing to compromise on or give up.
Thinking back to how I used to be, I said yes to everything asked of me and as a result I achieved very little.
I would take on any work thrown at me, I would say yes to events I knew I didn’t have time or energy for, I would commit to financial investments that didn’t necessarily serve my current situation, and I would constantly put myself last.
The thought of saying no to people or opportunities not only made me feel selfish, but also made me feel foolish for turning down an opportunity that could possibly help me in the long run, in some unknown unforeseeable future.
I was desperate to make my former business work at any costs, which caused me to make a lot of uninformed, ill-advised decisions. I didn’t have a clear thought in my head regarding where I wanted to end up, so I said yes to ending up anywhere.
The only place I ended up was on my couch, exhausted, confused, unfulfilled, and stressed to the max. I would show up for people nonstop until I physically couldn’t anymore.
I would run around to 3 different events that I was asked to attend, as if my being there was the most important thing. I would spend money on transportation, door covers, drink minimums and fast food to prove to…. who again? That I could show up, that I was “serious” about my career.
But while I was busy doing all this “proving” my business was suffering – I wasn’t home working and the money I did make was going out the window with no forethought or plan.
I see musicians falling into this pattern all the time.
Whether it’s about saying yes to every show they’re offered, or yes to every course promoted to them, or yes to more shifts at their day job without taking other responsibilities off their plate… I watch as they bounce around being busy proving themselves rather than focused on being productive.
Setting boundaries can often feel stifling or limiting, but in reality having a lack of boundaries can often lead to the fastest trip to Burnoutsville with a stopover in Overwhelm City.
There are three areas in our life where boundaries can have the greatest effect on our productivity and self-care. Setting boundaries on how we spend our time and who we spend it with are crucial to our success and stamina.
It’s also equally important to set boundaries on what we spend our money on, as it’s important to keep our money mindset healthy in order to make smart, confident decisions for our career.
Setting boundaries can be difficult when we don’t know what it is we want. Being able to be decisive requires us to know what our end game is. We avoid decision-making when we’re not clear on what it is we want.
If we don’t know what we want how will we know what the right decision is? So, rather than being wrong, we make no decisions. We react rather than reflect on those actions, hoping the universe will decide for us.
Sound familiar?
I always say it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s ok to be wrong – and it is. But if you have certain boundaries in place and a clear understanding of what you want at this point in time {yes, it can change} then you’re more likely to make fewer mistakes and the mistakes you do make will enable you to refine the decisions and boundaries you’ve already made.
The goal here is not to be perfect, but to give yourself your best chance at making the right calls on how you spend your time, energy, and money.
So what do some of these boundaries look like?
Let’s first start with how we spend our time.
I recently spoke on the CD Baby DIY Musician Podcast about Time Blocking. I explained how I usually only answer emails at certain times of the day.
This has been an important boundary for me to set, as it enables me to focus on the projects I’m working on rather than being glued to my inbox as each email comes through.
This required me to organize my inbox a bit, create a labeling system in order to determine which emails would need my attention, and a focused time during each day to sit and knock out the responses.
It doesn’t mean I’d let an urgent email sit there until that time, no boundary is ever set in stone. However, setting that boundary for myself allowed me to give myself permission to say no to the bings and dings going off on my phone when a new email would come through.
Boundaries are really about giving ourselves permission to say yes to the things we want and the things we know are most important at a given time.
When I create my time blocks in my schedule I’ve also blocked out time for friends and family. I try my best to make sure I don’t get so wrapped up in my work that I neglect the people most important to me.
However, I’ve also set a boundary around who I spend my time with. As I described above, I’d try to make it to every show I was invited to, every birthday party, wedding, and excursion that someone was kind enough to invite me to – but doing so left me incredibly worn thin.
I realized that while it’s important to make time to support others and spend time with loved ones, boundaries are needed to ensure a better balance of work and play.
I’ve set boundaries in terms of how I need to feel before an event in order for me to go to it. If I’m not feeling great and I haven’t been paying attention to my self care, I don’t go.
I no longer “push through” just for the sake of attending something I was invited to. I’ve learned it doesn’t serve me and it doesn’t serve who I’m there to see, as they don’t get a great version of me when I’m there.
I’ve also set boundaries around the type of people I spend my time with. If I can tell a person is extremely negative or nasty they don’t deserve my time.
They don’t have to be negative to me – obviously I know not to hang out with those people – but I’ve stopped making time for those who feed off of putting others down or simply complaining about things they can change.
Too often I meet with clients who are drained by the people they surround themselves with. As they say – we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with, so why bring that average down with negativity?
This industry is difficult enough. Being a music-preneur comes with enough hardship, you don’t need to spend your time with people who make it more challenging.
Decide how you want to feel. Decide the type of people you enjoy hanging with. Who lights you up? Who dims that light?
Start creating boundaries around how often you hang out with the dimmers. And start filling the time you do have to hang with the people who light you up.
As I said before, success comes down to being able to make decisions that serve our goals. So get clear on what those goals are and you’ll be sure to make better decisions.
Success is also obviously tied to earning a living and being able to pay your bills, as well as {hopefully} set aside money for the luxuries you enjoy.
I love the app You Need a Budget. I’ve also been reading the book of the same name by the founder of the app. It helps you figure out what your priorities are and how to manage your money around those priorities.
As Pam Capalad-Kushner, founder of Brunch & Budget, often says – if that daily coffee and scone at Starbucks mean the world to you, then don’t deny yourself that purchase.
But if it’s not doing anything for you, cut it out of your daily spending and see how much you can save or put elsewhere to something that matters.
It all comes down to priorities – what matters most to you?
Figuring that out isn’t always easy but it’s key for making informed decisions and setting boundaries that serve your goals.
Creating boundaries and saying no to things that don’t fall within those boundaries allow you to have the freedom to spend your time, energy, and money on more of the things/people you love.
You’ll find in any book or podcast that discusses budgeting your money that it all goes back to prioritizing what matters to you and then sticking to those priorities and blocking out the non-priorities.
If you’re not confident in your ability to make those decisions right now, I highly recommend reading You’re A Badass by Jen Sincero, and then follow it up with her sequel – You’re A Badass At Making Money.
Links to both books and the apps I mentioned can be found in the show notes.
If you really want certain lessons to sink in, I recommend getting the audio book so you can listen to her actually tell you these things directly.
So what do you say? Have I sold you on creating some boundaries in your life?
If you’re ready to start saying no to more things so you can say yes to what you want, then let’s start creating those boundaries!
I’ve included in the show notes a free download of My Contract of Non-Negotiables. Use this workbook to ask the deeper questions of what it is you want and then make a contract with yourself to honor the boundaries that matter most to you.
Simply go to www.therockstaradvocate.com/ep18, download your copy and start doing that deeper work.
If you enjoyed what you learned today, you can access all current episodes using your preferred podcast app, including iTunes & Spotify, or by visiting www.therockstaradvocate.com/podcast.
As always, feel free to email me at any time: suz@therockstaradvocate.com.
Until next time, Rockstar! Have a wonderful week and I hope to see you back here next Wednesday so we can get grounded to get rising! Take care.
Key Highlights
- My struggles with boundaries [01:02]
- Mistakes musicians often make [04:29]
- The 3 areas boundaries are most important [05:00]
- Boundaries around your time [06:20]
- Boundaries around your relationships [07:11]
- Boundaries around your money mindset [09:12]
- How to create better boundaries [09:48]
Set better boundaries in order to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself.!
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Links/Rocksources
- Theme music brought to you by DC-based Indie/Pop band Sub-Radio
- More podcast episodes can be found here
- You can download a copy of the episode’s transcript here
- My interview on CD Baby’s DIY Musician Podcast
- The You Need a Budget App can be downloaded here
- Learn more about money mindset and budgeting from Brunch & Budget
- You Are a Badass & You Are a Badass At Making Money are great for empowering your decisions
Thanks for listening!
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